Well life definitely throws curve balls and I guess you just need to be prepared to deal with them. In the course of one week I was diagnosed with a recurrence of my brain cyst, been to the ER twice with very scary symptoms and now scheduled for brain surgery this Thursday, September 5th. I am not going to lie or sugar coat this but the last few days have been the hardest in my life. I cannot put into words what it feels like to have a ticking time bomb in your head and wonder every moment if this is the end and if every time I go into the hospital and kiss Aven goodbye if it was my last. Frantically, calling around the country wondering if anyone has dealt with a condition like mine but also knowing I am declining so fast that we just don’t have time. It has totally gutted me. I am experiencing my worst nightmare ever imagined. I have a very rare condition and the way mine presents is even more rare than that. Finding out there isn’t a cut and dry cure and the only thought to cure it is to totally take it out with a high risk surgery and one of the risks being I could lose the ability to create memories. It is just something I cannot risk. This surgery, they are going to cut out more but there is a possibility of it coming back again. I have faith that this time could work and if not, there will be new medical advancements in my future to cure this. Most of all, it gives me time and my brain back. I have been rapidly losing my vision in my left eye, having increasing headaches, losing my memory and this time 100% aware it’s happening. I’ll be honest, I didn’t even know a scenario so cruel like this could exist. The hardest part over the last week is accepting that this rare condition may be something I have to deal with throughout my life. It is a hard pill to swallow but I am a fighter. It is scary because there is not a lot of research and barely any neurosurgeons that specialize in colloid cysts- especially giant ones. So here I go, preparing to go into battle again. My scars are my armor and I’ll keep fighting, give it all I got.
